When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I love how my cats smell like pot.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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