Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
