i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
