His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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