hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
