if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
