I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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