They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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