Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
