He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
