Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize