quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
