Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
