he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
