I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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