Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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