have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
