yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
