You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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