I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
