I'm going to jail i love you
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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