I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
