guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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