it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
