Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
