Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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