I intend to get homeless drunk
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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