I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
