PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
