She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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