help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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