I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
