1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
