She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
