what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
