I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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