she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
