Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
