Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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