What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
