I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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