i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I am naked and annoyed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
