I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
