You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
