Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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