Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
