Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She's the barista slut.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
