you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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