From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
