I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
