my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
