and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I will be naked everywhere
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
