I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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