u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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