I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
